02:31

Today I hid myself away in the university library to write a 3000 word essay. I had the general ideas that I wanted to include written down in my makeshift plan but had been lacking motivation to get started for a week or so.

The hours I whiled away in the library racked up to 5 and they were so intense and frustrating at times. Even though my deadline isn’t till next Wednesday I wanted to get it out of the way so I could have the weekend off to relax.

Thankfully I finished my essay with a total of 2940 words! A feeling of relief washed over me when I dropped my essay into the submission box. Leaving university in the dark at almost 21:00 is not a good feeling that I want to repeat any time soon. Also, forgetting to bring snacks to the library is a no no! I don’t think it was my best piece of work but considering the circumstances that I wrote them in, I will be pleased with scraping a pass!

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00:45

I think my meticulousness worries others sometimes.

I like to keep my things in an order in certain places, I line up my knife and fork exactly parallel to each other in restaurants, and I have to fold my scarf into a neat rectangle when I take it off. I only apply lip balm with my right ring finger before wiping the excess on the back of my left hand, I cannot wear the same pair of shoes two days in a row, and I like everything on a desk to be perpendicular to the edge. My left pillow has to overlap onto my right pillow, when I see an incorrect spelling I feel the need to correct it, and I keep a 5 pence piece in the left pocket of all my coats so I can twirl it in my fingers.

Those are just a few of the strange quirks that I have. I am known for my organization, precision and for being pedantic. I don’t think these things are a hindrance to me or others, I just know how I like things to be. I won’t apologise for knowing what I like.

01:38

I am feeling content tonight!

I have loving relatives who look after me while I am studying away from home, I have a part time job to give me some extra cash, I have a large room to call my own. I have friends who laugh and chill with me, I have necessities and so much more, and most importantly I have God on my side.

Without Him, I wouldn’t have these wondrous things and I truly thank Him for all of it. 

 

02:28

‘The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear.’

Rumi

In a world filled with noise and bustle, to have time in quietness is important.

I like going to cafes by myself to read and to think, and to some extent ‘listen to the world’. Some would say it’s eavesdropping but for me it’s just taking an interest in those around me. Listening to other people’s conversations is soothing, it’s nice to sit back and listen, knowing you don’t have to give any input.

As the volume of the world increases I find myself twisting my own dial down to a whisper, and this, I really don’t mind at all.

01:11

I finished reading The Tenderness Of Wolves by Stef Penney today. I found it quite a slow start but it quickly picked up momentum as I progressed. I liked the short chapters and the flitting from different character’s perspectives in each chapter, this kept the whole storyline light and flowing. Though the character’s stories started off separate and unlinked, I really enjoyed how they came together in the end.

Summary: Set in Canada, 1867, a woman sets off to find her 17 year old son who has mysteriously disappeared at the same time a man has been brutally murdered. She leaves her home to find her son and to clear his name and encounters much along the way.

An enjoyable read with twists here and there (which are not too absurd!). Worth a look at if this genre enthralls you!

02:07

Leaving deadlines to the last minute seems to be a speciality of mine. I find the added pressure of time makes me work harder though the quality of my work suffers.

Lack of motivation to start work is my main problem, the existence of the internet extends that problem to far beyond what the eye can see. I guess that’s the power of the internet, can’t live with it, can’t live without it!

Current word count: 550 words. Maximum word count: 1300 words.

I will tackle it again later with a clearer mind, going to sleep off any doubts and persevere after a well deserved sleep!

02:59

I’m having one of those nights where I should be sleeping but I don’t want to get into bed yet. Those nights where I sit at my laptop and do anything to avoid falling asleep. I don’t know why I do it. It’s not productive, it’s not healthy, nor is it much fun.. but night after night I find it recurring.

Maybe I’m just looking for an escape from my dreams.

04:26

I actually have a reason to be up at this time of morning! Just handed in an assignment for university which is due Thursday. I started the assignment Tuesday afternoon so not too shabby for a few hours work! Of course that should not be my mentality..

Recently I feel like university is really dragging me down emotionally. The idea of spending a 9-4 Monday within university lecture theatres and classrooms is close to depressing. I guess my thinking is that whilst I get a degree at the end of my 4 years of study, it does not ensure me a graduate level job. Just because I worked (fairly) hard to obtain a degree, it does not entitle me anything in the world of work. I considered dropping out of university to find a job or an apprenticeship in something I enjoy, but there are numerous reasons why I couldn’t go through with it.

First reason: I’ve made it to my third year of university and now nearly half way through my second trimester. I have 1 year left of studies which will be my Honours Project in 4th year (yes, Scotland insists on 4 years of study), which hopefully I will enjoy a lot because it will be tailored to my interests. I made it thus far, I didn’t want to essentially waste these 3 years by dropping out.

Second reason: My parents would not be happy. Twenty something or not, my parents still hold rein on my important decisions and they always come into consideration! I can hear it now.. ‘wasting  your life with pointless things’ ‘why didn’t you just complete it?’ and so on…

Third reason: I have no idea what kind of job I would enjoy. No idea. Ever since I was young I never had that drive or urge to be a specific something. I wasn’t the girl who took dance classes in the hope of becoming a ballerina, I wasn’t even the little girl who liked to pretend to be a princess when she grew up. I have always been stuck in a limbo of uncertainty about my future career. Job quizzes and flow charts showed me various routes I could take but none really caught my eye as something I REALLY wanted to do.

Maybe it’s just a bout of laziness as assignment deadlines loom but hopefully I’ll be more willing to go into university next week!