First, a little background: I work one day a week at my uncle’s Chinese takeaway where we sell various dishes of Chinese cuisine. We get walk-in customers, telephone orders to collect and telephone orders to deliver. Occasionally we get the odd difficult customer and sometimes we get the band of students who insist on making our lives difficult. Tonight was one of those nights.

A few thoughts on working on such a night and things students should take note (N.B. basically a mini rant).

  1. Pollock Halls is literally 2 minutes down the road, get up and walk down to the takeaway, save yourselves some money! Stop wasting our time with deliveries down the road when we could easily be using that time to be doing other things.
  2. Never have we said that we’re fast food: deliveries take 20 minutes minimum (when there’s no other orders and depending on location) regardless of the propinquity of where you live.
  3. Delivery has a charge even if you live next door, so don’t complain about that. If you don’t want to pay it, come in and collect instead.
  4. Please know what you want to order before you phone up, at the very least have a vague idea. Do not ‘umm’ and ‘ahh’ over the menu for 5+ minutes while you decide and I have to listen to you, whilst also being backed up with customers in the shop.
  5. Be decisive. Order the soup, don’t order the soup, order the soup, change the soup, don’t order the soup, cancel the whole flipping order.. Don’t waste my time changing things around.
  6. One phonecall is enough. Leave me alone, I really can’t be dealing with you 3 times just because you’re indecisive and don’t know the prices of anything. Other customers try phoning in many times before being able to get through because you were wasting my time.
  7. Be patient! No you most certainly did not wait half an hour for your meal, the phone log says you called 15 minutes ago. Don’t tut or sound so exasperated on the phone to me, you are not the only order that we have to fulfil. Don’t phone up chasing your order, I have better things to do when it’s busy than listening to you complain about the reasonable time I said your order would get to you by.
  8. Know your address. I know that this sounds so basic that it shouldn’t even deserve a mention, but the number of students who don’t know their address is shocking. Also while I’m at it, know your phone number, know your postcode, know which buzzer on the door your flat is. This is not just restricted to students, I had a grown man give me the wrong address today (he said flat 7, 8 King’s Meadows, his actual address was flat 8, 7 King’s Meadows)… If you don’t know where you live then how do you expect us to deliver to you?
  9. Do not shout your order down the phone to me, do not shout to your friends in the background, do not shout over the blasting music from your house party, do not shout ‘WHAT?’ when you can’t hear me because you and your friends are being so damn loud.
  10. Mind your manners: don’t be rude. You move away from home to go to university and you think the world revolves around you. Reality check: it doesn’t. Just because you force your opinion it doesn’t mean you’re right. We don’t do free anything and there are no student freebies, if you’re really that lacking in funds just go and hibernate instead of squandering your money.

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