01:33

I have found the source of my tiredness! A 2 hour nap before dinner helped, but I am still tired as ever.

I think I’ve learnt to accept that my body cannot handle strenuous activity as well as it used to, also that sitting or lying down or the majority of the day with bad posture is killing my former good energy levels (also giving me aches and pains). Yesterday was exactly 2 months until my birthday: twenty something +1 is becoming a sad thought.

Advertisements

00:36

The holidays seem to make me more tired than I feel during term time. Maybe it’s all the staring at a screen that has made my eyes heavy and my body physically tired. The bad weather of rain and wind has made it unpleasant to go out, and with limited leisure activities in my small home town I have been pretty much housebound. Hopefully the weather gets better in the remainder of the time I have left at home and I feel less sluggish.

01:14

Making a child laugh is one of the greatest joys in life.

Those genuine bursts of laughter are so innocent, so carefree and so heart-warming. It fills that space in your heart where the laughter of adults cannot reach. Knowing you made a child laugh is so satisfying and it probably shouldn’t feel so good, but to me it really does.

00:12

‘I think a person needs to learn from childhood to find himself alone. It means to not be bored when you’re by yourself, because a person who finds himself bored when alone -as it seems to me- is in danger.’

Andrei Tarkovsky – A Poet In The Cinema

Solitude is underrated, sometimes we all need those bouts of time alone to rediscover the joy of our own imagination.

00:52

I spent the afternoon looking through old photo albums of childhood memories, weddings, holidays and family gatherings. I think it’s good to reminisce once in a while, to remember the events and experiences that were worth documenting all those years ago. I miss that about today’s technology-bound society: we all have cameras as part of our smart phones and we document our food, our own faces, and our mundane everyday happenings. We post these onto Instagram, Facebook or our blogs, and seek the approval of the world in the form of likes. I am also guilty of doing this. Wasn’t it a much more satisfying feeling to send film to be developed and to look back at memories a few weeks later?

02:51

I am home! It definitely has been too long since I’ve returned (January) but the feeling I get it still the same.

The feeling of returning to something familiar. The feeling of knowing every nook and cranny, where every item has its own place, the familiarity of my own bed.

My heart is content, satisfied and most importantly, happy. Seeing my mum on the train platform waiting in the pouring rain with a smile on her face, that’s something I can’t feel in Edinburgh.

01:02

  • Firstly, I don’t believe you.
  • Secondly, I don’t want your fake apology. There was no sincerity in it at all.
  • Thirdly, don’t try and make yourself sound like the bigger person here. You are not.
  • Do not speak to me again. I will not reply nor will I forgive you so please leave me alone.
  • You finally admitted to yourself that you were and still remain jealous! At least something was real in that ‘apology’.

N.B. I am the champion in being snide and sarcastic when I am annoyed.

01:23

My final exam has been completed and my holiday has officially started, so why does my current mood not match with current events?

I’m going to go with, ‘I’m tired’ which is partly true because I feel physically, mentally and emotionally drained. Maybe I should try and sleep it off instead of snapping at my friends and being a general grump. Fluctuating emotions, why do you have to do this to me?

12:56

What is this? A post not written in the early hours of the morning?!

I am currently at university and instead of revising for my exam in half an hour I decided to check my blog.

I intended to have a fairly early night but a situation arose that caused me not to sleep till 4am. I talked about the problem with two good friends into the early hours of the morning, and though I am tired for my exam today, I felt like I needed to talk it out. There are whirling thoughts in my brain but I’m putting it aside for now. This is my last exam and distractions (no matter how big) need to be swept under the rug and left for another time.

I’m going to listen to my friend’s advice and ‘go smash that exam in the face’. InĀ 3 and a half hours I will be free from the constraints of university life and officially on holiday. *deep breath in*

01:59

I finished reading Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close today. Never have I read such a heartbreaking, emotional and intensely moving book.

Oskar’s description of depression as ‘heavy boots’ is so real and the point of view of a 9 year-old is eye-opening.

The interesting typography and pictures throughout make it a unique book to me. I haven’t read anything with this kind of portrayal of the story, and I quite like it.

It makes the events of 9/11 so much more hard-hitting for me personally. I never had that close connection with any of the goings on in New York at that time, firstly because I was very young, and secondly because I live in the UK. Seeing the twin towers toppling down never seemed like it had any effect on me. I remember coming home from school and watching the event unfold on TV, and it was happening thousands of miles away whilst I was in the safety of my own home. I feel like I have the capacity to understand it a bit more, to know that it was an event that changed the world as we knew it.