01:31

Thank God for a blissful few days in church. The days went by faster than I thought they would and the schedule was much more relaxed than I expected.

I feel like it was a good decision to attend this event, it has definitely humbled me and made me realise a few things about myself. A time of quiet contemplation and reflection. Thank God for brothers and sisters in the Lord.

Advertisements

00:11

Currently testing the mobile app of WordPress to see whether the results are to my liking.

I will be out of the country on holiday (Hong Kong and Osaka, Japan) from 19/06-03/07 so my posts will be fewer, at irregular times and will all be personal thoughts (no quotes). I will also be busy at a church event from 14/06-18/06 so regular posting will not be till 3 weeks time. I look forward to soaking up some culture and will definitely be writing about various aspects when I return.

01:43

I’m not looking, I’m not looking! I’m perfectly satisfied just doing me, why must people make assumptions? I guess it’s the ideal situation that people expect you to grow into as you get older, you graduate, work and then find an other half to settle down with. For me right now, I am only twenty something and there are things that I would much rather focus on.

The first relationship I ever had lasted 2 and a half years, which is a long time for a first relationship. Also considering how young we both were, I’m surprised it lasted for so long (no offence, Saunders). I think a lot of it was hanging out at school together everyday, learning new things, and growing up. My second relationship too lasted over 2 years and it was the total opposite of my first. It was a long distance relationship and we only saw each other twice a year at the most.

These two opposite ends of the spectrum have taught me so much about the kind of person I was at those points in my life, and the kind of person I want to be when I find myself in a relationship again.

  1. Bad ass vs. a ‘goody goody’: leather jacket, carefree and reckless, got into fights, taught me how to roll a cigarette, always late to school, skipped classes, drop out turned army buff vs. clingy and couldn’t go a day without speaking to me, soppy, overly sweet, thoughtful, made a big deal over anniversaries etc. Looking back, the contrast is so obvious yet I never saw it at the time.
  2. Proximity: saw D.S. everyday at school (he would wake up earlier and walk out of his way to walk me to school), vs. saw K.S. once or twice a year for only a few days at a time (until I moved to Edinburgh and it got to once/twice a week).
  3. Communication: Myspace comments, Msn, limited texts and limited free minutes (crazy phone bills) vs. Msn and unlimited texts.

Whilst this is all pretty personal I recognise that my relationship history isn’t something that I should be ashamed of, and everyone has a past. In fact, if I can learn from it then more power to me for speaking about it, right?

Anyway, before I lose my train of thought… I’m at a point in my life where I love my independence and in a relationship that independence would be somewhat diminished. This coming year of university will be the hardest one yet with a lot of hard work, anxiety, stress and heartache (and that’s without a significant other). I wouldn’t want to jeopardise what I’ve worked so hard in the last 3 years for. I’ve seen people lose their way in relationships with reasons of being too young/immature, being not ready to face the reality that relationships require a hell of a lot of work, also bad timing and the wrong person.

To re-iterate, I am not looking. When the right person comes along at the right time I’d like to think that I would know. But for now I am content just doing me.

01:09

There are so many things going on in my life right now, so many things I need to sort out before Saturday, and on top I have a whale load of other people’s worries too.

A few things:

  • I’m glad you confided in me, all will be well in time (though it seems unbelievably hard now). Thank you for understanding my anger and frustrations in dealing with rumours, it’s nice to have someone truly on my side about all this.
  • If you have made the decision I think you have, you are more immature than I thought and you haven’t grown in the past 9 months I’ve known you.
  • You are such a bad conversationalist, how am I supposed to respond to, “Ahh I see”?
  • 1 month and 5 days before I get to see your stupid smiling face on one of the biggest days of your life. I am super proud!

02:17

I may have been slightly irrational before.

I can be hot-headed, fiery and easily frustrated, and that all stems from my own stubbornness. I like things to be done in a certain way and when they’re not; I disapprove.

I like to do things my own way, no matter how much easier someone else’s method may be, the principle of being able to do it MY way surpasses that. To borrow a Friends quote, “You don’t know the system! Don’t want nobody messing with the system!” It’s the Monica Geller in me that is organised, prepared and likes things done a certain way. It’s why I fly solo, no one knows the damn system!

23:44

‘My father had taught me to be nice first, because you can always be mean later, but once you’ve been mean to someone, they won’t believe the nice any more. So be nice, be nice, until it’s time to stop being nice, then destroy them’

Laurell K. Hamilton – A Stroke Of Midnight

Nice is something that I’m not all that good at being. I am good at being snide, sarcastic and passively aggressive. I am also good at holding grudges and remembering every little thing. We are taught from young to ‘take the high road’, to ‘be the bigger person’, however sometimes we just want to be mean.

00:49

You know those days when you come home from being out and your body is tired but your heart is full of joy? Those days where you think back to earlier and you can’t help but smile? I had one of those days today.

It was such a happy day from the get go. A group of 8 friends who have all completed their university exams and/or have time off work who took the day to hang out and really enjoy each others company. We gorged on food and made our stomachs hurt from laughing too much. We always keep it simple yet always have a good time.

I have grown up with these friends and we all know each other pretty well, which is why we all get on amazingly. I find when I’m not at home I only have a select few who I am closer to and click well with. However at home and with these friends; it’s so free and easy. Conversation always flows freely and we crack jokes so often because it’s second nature to us. One of my friends (who also happens to be my cousin) said, ‘I haven’t laughed so hard in so long!’ which is usually the sign of a good day out.

I can go back to Edinburgh with a happy heart full of memories.

01:32

It feels like a while since I’ve posted and that is because I have spent more time with my family actually enjoying those moments together instead of merely writing out the memories. Also (although fairly late on the bandwagon) I recently finished watching the How I Met Your Mother series.

Thoughts? I watched the entire 9 series within a few months so there was obviously no waiting around for the new seasons, which may have taken away some of the suspense. I did enjoy the whole series up until season 9. The build up to season 9 all pointed towards a magnificent ending, an amazing finale, a grand conclusion to it all. I am just so disappointed, my heart feels let down and emotionless. Usually when I watch a TV show I get so invested into the characters and I feel like I know them, when they feel I feel too. This last season ruined the series for me and in my own opinion, the last episode was simply awful. I know that there has been a lot of controversy over the final episode where some loved it and some loathed it. For me, I would have liked to see more of the mother and to see her storyline develop and deepen.

But ah, it’s over. *exhales* I feel strangely accomplished.