01:43

I’m not looking, I’m not looking! I’m perfectly satisfied just doing me, why must people make assumptions? I guess it’s the ideal situation that people expect you to grow into as you get older, you graduate, work and then find an other half to settle down with. For me right now, I am only twenty something and there are things that I would much rather focus on.

The first relationship I ever had lasted 2 and a half years, which is a long time for a first relationship. Also considering how young we both were, I’m surprised it lasted for so long (no offence, Saunders). I think a lot of it was hanging out at school together everyday, learning new things, and growing up. My second relationship too lasted over 2 years and it was the total opposite of my first. It was a long distance relationship and we only saw each other twice a year at the most.

These two opposite ends of the spectrum have taught me so much about the kind of person I was at those points in my life, and the kind of person I want to be when I find myself in a relationship again.

  1. Bad ass vs. a ‘goody goody’: leather jacket, carefree and reckless, got into fights, taught me how to roll a cigarette, always late to school, skipped classes, drop out turned army buff vs. clingy and couldn’t go a day without speaking to me, soppy, overly sweet, thoughtful, made a big deal over anniversaries etc. Looking back, the contrast is so obvious yet I never saw it at the time.
  2. Proximity: saw D.S. everyday at school (he would wake up earlier and walk out of his way to walk me to school), vs. saw K.S. once or twice a year for only a few days at a time (until I moved to Edinburgh and it got to once/twice a week).
  3. Communication: Myspace comments, Msn, limited texts and limited free minutes (crazy phone bills) vs. Msn and unlimited texts.

Whilst this is all pretty personal I recognise that my relationship history isn’t something that I should be ashamed of, and everyone has a past. In fact, if I can learn from it then more power to me for speaking about it, right?

Anyway, before I lose my train of thought… I’m at a point in my life where I love my independence and in a relationship that independence would be somewhat diminished. This coming year of university will be the hardest one yet with a lot of hard work, anxiety, stress and heartache (and that’s without a significant other). I wouldn’t want to jeopardise what I’ve worked so hard in the last 3 years for. I’ve seen people lose their way in relationships with reasons of being too young/immature, being not ready to face the reality that relationships require a hell of a lot of work, also bad timing and the wrong person.

To re-iterate, I am not looking. When the right person comes along at the right time I’d like to think that I would know. But for now I am content just doing me.

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