22:44

I dislike the negative stigma of doing things by yourself. What is the big deal?

Recently I have had friends and colleagues make comments about how they ‘simply cannot’ do things by themselves. They have stated feelings of being awkward or embarrassed when entering an establishment alone, or even just being seen to be by themselves at an event.

Sometimes the best company is your own. I know that sounds awfully big headed or pompous but it’s true. Sometimes what you need is only granted by your own self, whether that be through your own thoughts, actions or solutions.

I am a big believer in making your own happiness, in fulfilling your own wishes, and being true to yourself. Doing things as an individual helps to build up your self confidence; and your foundation of who you are. Being alone gives you head room to think freely, to live honestly and to treat yourself right.

21:38

After a long weekend back in my home town I am safely back in Edinburgh. So did I get a chance to recharge and to rest up before returning to my work life? In a way; yes, but in many other ways; no.

  1. On Friday evening I took the train intending to have a smooth journey home, and to get an early night in before the wedding festivities. However my train was delayed in Newcastle for over two hours so I missed all my connecting trains… The signal failure was due to deliberate vandalism! I was not happy.
  2. After sitting in the station for an extended period of time I eventually made it to York station on a packed train. As I had missed all my connecting trains I had to rush here and there to find trains which would hopefully get me to my home town that day. Luckily I brought a tiny suitcase which I could run with! I ended up in Leeds late into the evening, and reached Sheffield at past midnight.
  3. As it got later and later I realised I would not be getting home that day. The train carriage was filled with drunken revellers on their way home from a night out, and the noise gave me a headache. Trains from Sheffield to Leicester only ran on the hour and I had missed all of those for that day, thus meaning I would have to wait till morning. So frantically using the last of my battery on my phone, I searched for hotels near Sheffield train station so that I could rest up. I found a cheap-ish hotel which was close by and power walked to it. Being alone in a strange city late at night was very scary, especially because I was tired, frustrated and upset.
  4. As I checked into the hotel I could feel my body relaxing a little. There was nothing else I could do about the situation so the least I could do was get some much needed rest in the hotel. The room was really modern and the king-sized bed was super comfortable! The waterfall shower was very soothing and it felt amazing to wash the evening of travel off. I had been reassured by the train conductor that I could use my tickets the next day and not have to pay for new ones, so I slept soundly till morning.
  5. On Saturday morning I woke up feeling refreshed after such a manic evening, and got ready to travel home. The trains to Leicester were much more frequent than the previous night and were much quicker journeys! Within an hour and 15 minutes I was safely back in Leicester and I got picked up by my brother. I was very much relieved to be back and to have the ordeal over with!

I feel like every time I face a hardship I can learn from it. I also thank God that it was not as bad a situation as it could have been. Although I did get upset at the time, I also was able to find a way out and to make the most of a bad event. The night alone in a hotel gave me some time to reflect on my evening, and to realise that I am stronger than I perceive myself. My independence has made me a more well-prepared person, and I can deal with tough situations. Hopefully I can continue to grow and learn through my struggles and to empower myself more from the lessons I receive.

21:54

Things have been a little hectic in the last couple of weeks with friends visiting and consecutive nights out. I could feel my own emotions swelling up inside of me because I needed a period of solitude to relax and recharge.

This week has been a much needed change from previous weeks. I have spent nearly every evening at home. I actually sat down for dinner with my extended family for the first time in a while, and it was very comforting.

This weekend I will be travelling back to my home town to visit my family and friends, and to also attend my friends’ wedding. The last time I returned home was at the beginning of June before I started my working life. While I enjoy my life here in Edinburgh, there are times that I get homesick and feel very lost in my independence. When I return to my home every half a year or so, I can see so many changes. However sometimes when I return, it feels like not much has changed since I was last there.

Long weekend, here I come!

22:02

Yesterday I took half a day to focus on myself and caught up on some reading in the lovely (although short-lived) sun. I also went and got myself a cinnamon and sugar crepe from the numerous Fringe Festival food stalls. Having dessert at 3pm is acceptable right? Because “treat yo’ self!”

Recently I have been feeling a little out of sorts because I feel like I do not belong anywhere. That feeling of ‘not fitting in’ is not just reserved for angsty teens trying to find themselves but also for young adults like myself. Some days I feel very distant from my family and friends and can go days without speaking to anyone in person. Admittedly that is sometimes my fault because I hide myself away from social interaction however I would like to break that.

I start my new job this week so hopefully that will serve as a distraction to what I am feeling as of this moment.

23:02

Today I travelled back to my home town on the train. Having time to be with my own thoughts for a few hours is soothing. Due to refusing to pay for wi-fi and dodgy phone/3G signal I also had a chance to catch up on some reading.

When I take public transport I like to people watch. I like constructing stories and backgrounds in my head, where people have come from, and where they are going. I like seeing the books that other people are reading, and looking at the way people dress. As the train coursed through the countryside and the different cities, it made me wonder about the lives of the people who live there.

The train pulled into each station, let people off and on, and swiftly moved down the tracks towards another city. We go through life constantly rushing from here and there, getting from A to B as quickly as possible, looking for the easiest and most efficient way. However if we stop to look at the world, we may find something more enriching.

00:18

‘We – now more than ever, it seems – have a profound civilizational anxiety about being alone. And the seed for it is increasingly planted in childhood – in an age when play is increasingly equated with screens and interfaces, being alone with a screen is not quite being alone at all, so the art of taking joy in one’s own company slips further and further out of reach.’

Robert Paul Smith – How To Do Nothing With Nobody All Alone By Yourself

Solitude is underrated. Sometimes the best company is your own thoughts, your own imagination, and your own creativity. In an age of increasing technology and the rise of a generation addicted to it, taking joy in one’s own company is now seldom recognised.