22:02

Through these uncertain times it is easy to be discouraged and frightened by the change in the world. It is easy to switch on the news, read articles and hear on the radio information which is scary and gives a feeling of unease. The last few times I went to a supermarket, a lot of the shelves have been empty. At work we are planning our business continuity plans and scheduling people to work from home. At church we have issued advice for the elderly members and introduced other precautions. Every day brings about new updates.

A favourite bible passage of mine sums up my recent thoughts:

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”, whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.” (James 4:13-15)

Do we know what is to come? No. Will we all be able to protect ourselves from the virus? I don’t know. Whatever happens will happen – everyone is doing what they can in this time of need. Stay safe everyone.

21:24

Today at church I listened to the most edifying sermon. I have been having a rocky time with my faith lately but today all the words seemed to be directed right at me. I recently opened up to a friend about how I had been feeling and afterwards I felt like a huge burden had been lifted off me. Hearing such a powerful message today made me realise that I have definitely been putting my faith on the back-burner.

I do not talk a lot about my faith or my relationship with God as it is something I deem very private. In an increasingly secular world it is something which I find hard to share with those around me. Going forward I hope to be more honest with myself in the areas of faith that I need to improve on.

10:46

‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.’

(Philippians 4:13)

I have often been told, ‘you can do it because you’re you’, meaning people know that I can hold my own, that I can deal with anything thrown at me and I have an inner strength that others may lack. Thus far I have also thought the same thing of myself. I am headstrong, stubborn and self-reliant.

However recent events have made me reconsider my own ways of coping. I realise that I am not invincible nor am I weak, but I cannot do things solely on my own nor do I need a hoard of people to comfort and console me.

I am a Christian and yet though I attend church every week, I find it hard to rely on anyone but myself. This week has been a learning process: learning to trust, learning to rely on God fully and learning to entrust my problems to the Lord. I am slowly getting there. I hope by the end of this church training course I can get back to a place where my mind is content and my heart is no longer burdened with anger and sadness. However if I don’t quite make it to that point, I would like to know that I am making progress in getting there and that God is abiding with me every step of this difficult way.