22:39

There is a great sense of relief when you come to an understanding of a hard decision you made in the past. This may be a realisation that things have turned out for the best, it may be a sense of happiness which has over taken a previous sense of sadness, or it could just be a feeling of self worth.

These are all feelings that I have felt in recent times. There is a new stillness in my heart that was not there before. There is a greater feeling of accomplishment and pride in my own actions. There is more value to taking the reins of my own happiness rather than letting someone else dictate it for me.

I am thankful for this learning curve and for the trials that enable me to grow.

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22:02

Yesterday I took half a day to focus on myself and caught up on some reading in the lovely (although short-lived) sun. I also went and got myself a cinnamon and sugar crepe from the numerous Fringe Festival food stalls. Having dessert at 3pm is acceptable right? Because “treat yo’ self!”

Recently I have been feeling a little out of sorts because I feel like I do not belong anywhere. That feeling of ‘not fitting in’ is not just reserved for angsty teens trying to find themselves but also for young adults like myself. Some days I feel very distant from my family and friends and can go days without speaking to anyone in person. Admittedly that is sometimes my fault because I hide myself away from social interaction however I would like to break that.

I start my new job this week so hopefully that will serve as a distraction to what I am feeling as of this moment.

01:01

‘Feel it, understand it, overcome it.’

William Chapman

As a person trying to come to terms with an unfortunate change in circumstances, this quote really spoke to me. Wallowing in my own feelings will never make something go away, and no amount of ‘putting my life on hold’ will be enough. I have come to understand my situation and to take measures in overcoming it. I hope that whatever troubles I face can be accepted for what they are, for that is the first step on the road to recovery.

23:54

‘People say it’s better to know the truth, but what if the ending’s a bad one? Is it still better to know? Or is it kinder to keep that string of hope dangling? To believe that maybe if you just wait long enough, everything could still end the way you want.’

Cynthia Lord – Touch Blue

I always tell myself knowing the truth is better because even if the truth is painful, it is better than not knowing. To feel something is better than not feeling anything, or not knowing what to feel.