00:21

‘When you feel perpetually unmotivated, you start questioning your existence in an unhealthy way; everything becomes a pseudo intellectual question you have no interest in responding whatsoever. This whole process becomes your very skin and it does not merely affect you; it actually defines you. So, you see yourself as a shadowy figure unworthy of developing interest, unworthy of wondering about the world – profoundly unworthy in every sense and deeply absent in your very presence.’

Ingmar Bergman

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00:50

It has already gotten to the point in the year where I do not feel any motivation to carry on with my studies and the end feels like a lifetime away. Even though my university semester is split into 13 weeks and I can count down the days until I get a longer break, every week seems to drag on and my workload seems to pile up.

I have just finished week 3 and I have deadlines coming up in week 5 and week 7. After that I will need to start interviewing people for my Honours Project, transcribe all the interviews, analyse the information and write it up into a dissertation.

Currently sitting here in September and thinking about my graduation in July, it just seems so far away. Plus my graduation will only happen if I pass this 4th year of university. So far I have made minimum effort in my studies and thinking about my Honours Project deadlines makes me so unwilling to do it.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had gone straight into work from high school, or even if I had dropped out of university in year 1 or 2 and found work then. Would I be happier knowing that I have some financial security? I know there is a popular saying, ‘university will be the best years of your life’ however right now I do not see this to be true.

02:07

Leaving deadlines to the last minute seems to be a speciality of mine. I find the added pressure of time makes me work harder though the quality of my work suffers.

Lack of motivation to start work is my main problem, the existence of the internet extends that problem to far beyond what the eye can see. I guess that’s the power of the internet, can’t live with it, can’t live without it!

Current word count: 550 words. Maximum word count: 1300 words.

I will tackle it again later with a clearer mind, going to sleep off any doubts and persevere after a well deserved sleep!