00:21

‘When you feel perpetually unmotivated, you start questioning your existence in an unhealthy way; everything becomes a pseudo intellectual question you have no interest in responding whatsoever. This whole process becomes your very skin and it does not merely affect you; it actually defines you. So, you see yourself as a shadowy figure unworthy of developing interest, unworthy of wondering about the world – profoundly unworthy in every sense and deeply absent in your very presence.’

Ingmar Bergman

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02:36

I attended a close friend’s graduation yesterday and a few thoughts popped into my mind.

Firstly, I was so filled with friend pride. This is different from parental pride or even familial pride; it was quite interesting. I knew the amount of effort she put into her studies so to see them come to fruition in her graduation was so satisfying! I am proud of her achievements and what she has accomplished, and wish her all the best in the future.

Secondly, it encouraged me to work harder in my own studies. I am in the last year of my university and up till now I have still only been putting in 60/70% effort maximum. I know that I want to attend my own graduation in July and to experience that same joy, and also for my family to be proud of me.

Thirdly, I felt a little older and a little wiser. Graduating from university is a big step in a¬†young adult’s life, and often it is a great milestone before entering the workplace. Graduating with an undergraduate degree is often the end of a person’s studying days, it is like the end of an era. It signifies a move onto bigger and better things.

Hopefully keeping these things in mind will motivate me to work harder in my final year, and to envision my very own graduation day.

00:50

It has already gotten to the point in the year where I do not feel any motivation to carry on with my studies and the end feels like a lifetime away. Even though my university semester is split into 13 weeks and I can count down the days until I get a longer break, every week seems to drag on and my workload seems to pile up.

I have just finished week 3 and I have deadlines coming up in week 5 and week 7. After that I will need to start interviewing people for my Honours Project, transcribe all the interviews, analyse the information and write it up into a dissertation.

Currently sitting here in September and thinking about my graduation in July, it just seems so far away. Plus my graduation will only happen if I pass this 4th year of university. So far I have made minimum effort in my studies and thinking about my Honours Project deadlines makes me so unwilling to do it.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had gone straight into work from high school, or even if I had dropped out of university in year 1 or 2 and found work then. Would I be happier knowing that I have some financial security? I know there is a popular saying, ‘university will be the best years of your life’ however right now I do not see this to be true.