23:18

Throughout my furloughed period in lock down I have learned to procrastinate things that I do not want to do. Usually it is simple things due to lack of motivation and effort, and though I have all the time in the world I somehow create an excuse! Anyone else feeling the same way during lock down?

Today I finally got my act together and tidied up some areas of my room that had started off neat and tidy, but over the year had lost organisation and descended into chaos. I threw out items I no longer used or needed. I put things aside to give to charity (for when it is safe to do after the pandemic.) I rearranged the storage of items to make it more efficient when I use them. I vacuumed and dusted everywhere, and cleared the general clutter that had built up. I now feel much freer and relaxed knowing my area is tidied up again.

There is a phrase which goes along the lines of ‘a tidy space equals a tidy mind’ and I really do think this is true. I hope to put this into effect when I purchase my own property and really live it going forward.

Going into this new week I think I will tackle tidying my clothes again and pick out some more items to donate. At the beginning of lock down in March I went through my wardrobe and cleared items out but I feel like another one is needed! Productivity comes in different forms for everyone, and there are times where procrastination creeps in. Hopefully I can remain motivated to carry on (at least into next week!)

00:21

‘When you feel perpetually unmotivated, you start questioning your existence in an unhealthy way; everything becomes a pseudo intellectual question you have no interest in responding whatsoever. This whole process becomes your very skin and it does not merely affect you; it actually defines you. So, you see yourself as a shadowy figure unworthy of developing interest, unworthy of wondering about the world – profoundly unworthy in every sense and deeply absent in your very presence.’

Ingmar Bergman

02:36

I attended a close friend’s graduation yesterday and a few thoughts popped into my mind.

Firstly, I was so filled with friend pride. This is different from parental pride or even familial pride; it was quite interesting. I knew the amount of effort she put into her studies so to see them come to fruition in her graduation was so satisfying! I am proud of her achievements and what she has accomplished, and wish her all the best in the future.

Secondly, it encouraged me to work harder in my own studies. I am in the last year of my university and up till now I have still only been putting in 60/70% effort maximum. I know that I want to attend my own graduation in July and to experience that same joy, and also for my family to be proud of me.

Thirdly, I felt a little older and a little wiser. Graduating from university is a big step in a¬†young adult’s life, and often it is a great milestone before entering the workplace. Graduating with an undergraduate degree is often the end of a person’s studying days, it is like the end of an era. It signifies a move onto bigger and better things.

Hopefully keeping these things in mind will motivate me to work harder in my final year, and to envision my very own graduation day.

00:50

It has already gotten to the point in the year where I do not feel any motivation to carry on with my studies and the end feels like a lifetime away. Even though my university semester is split into 13 weeks and I can count down the days until I get a longer break, every week seems to drag on and my workload seems to pile up.

I have just finished week 3 and I have deadlines coming up in week 5 and week 7. After that I will need to start interviewing people for my Honours Project, transcribe all the interviews, analyse the information and write it up into a dissertation.

Currently sitting here in September and thinking about my graduation in July, it just seems so far away. Plus my graduation will only happen if I pass this 4th year of university. So far I have made minimum effort in my studies and thinking about my Honours Project deadlines makes me so unwilling to do it.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had gone straight into work from high school, or even if I had dropped out of university in year 1 or 2 and found work then. Would I be happier knowing that I have some financial security? I know there is a popular saying, ‘university will be the best years of your life’ however right now I do not see this to be true.