21:29

As someone who is more on the introverted side of the introvert/extrovert scale, I am always looking for ways in which I can feel more comfortable in the general public. While I can walk down a busy street without feeling anxiety, I often have panicky feelings or pangs of social awkwardness when faced with crowds (both strangers and people I know).

When faced with a situation in which I have to speak to an acquaintance, I tend to stay quite quiet and avoid making conversation where possible. I am not a fan of small talk! On Monday mornings I seldom ask colleagues how their weekends went (not out of rudeness but out of a slight feeling of uncomfortableness). I think that this sometimes stems from my weekend habits. On Sundays I tend to take the day to recharge my batteries and have some alone time. Come Monday morning; the loud dynamics of colleagues chatting is sometimes difficult to emulate. I work hardest when it is quiet and peaceful; however office etiquette calls for bonding with colleagues and sharing interests. With a naturally quiet character it can sometimes be difficult to interact with those who have a much louder personality.

Recently in a monthly meeting with my team leader, she told me of an observation she had made of my character. She noticed that I had been more open and vocal, engaging in more conversations with colleagues and generally having a more outgoing demeanour. She seemed pretty pleased that I was engaging with my colleagues more (not that I was ever a completely silent worker), and that I seemed happier as of late. I had not actively changed my behaviour in the past month so it was strange yet satisfying to hear this observation from a colleague. I am pleased to realise that my comfort levels in interacting with others has increased (if only a little), and that I don’t give off a socially awkward vibe (as much as I think I do). Sometimes all an introvert needs is the quiet reassurance that they are doing okay.

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22:18

It is the first day of 2016!

I pretty much did nothing all day today but last night was a hectic and fun-filled lead up to the annual celebrations. I rang in the new year with my friends in Edinburgh where we watched the fireworks in the cold, before rushing inside to eat and play games. With my new year celebrations lasting till 5am, my 1st January was mostly spent sleeping and recovering. The ‘quiet after the storm’ kind of thing.

I hope you have all had a lovely start to the new year, and may 2016 bring all kinds of blessings! Happy new year!

22:15

In between all the family gatherings and friend feasts I have finally had an evening to myself since I travelled home for the holidays. I had an early and quiet dinner with my mum and my brother before soaking in a hot bath.

As work keeps me busy during the day I have gotten used to having the evenings to myself. I do not mind having the odd event where I need to be out of the house longer than usual, but for the most part I like to be showered and ready for bed by 21:30! The work lifestyle has got me in a set routine, so once the holidays hit it was quite a shock.

As visits home go by so quickly, it makes sense to cram them as to make the most of my time. It has been lovely to catch up with relatives and friends over the past few days. As I do not know the next time I will be able to travel home I shall endeavour to fill my days a little more!

23:02

Today I travelled back to my home town on the train. Having time to be with my own thoughts for a few hours is soothing. Due to refusing to pay for wi-fi and dodgy phone/3G signal I also had a chance to catch up on some reading.

When I take public transport I like to people watch. I like constructing stories and backgrounds in my head, where people have come from, and where they are going. I like seeing the books that other people are reading, and looking at the way people dress. As the train coursed through the countryside and the different cities, it made me wonder about the lives of the people who live there.

The train pulled into each station, let people off and on, and swiftly moved down the tracks towards another city. We go through life constantly rushing from here and there, getting from A to B as quickly as possible, looking for the easiest and most efficient way. However if we stop to look at the world, we may find something more enriching.

01:53

‘One of the risks of being quiet is that other people can fill your silence with their own interpretation: You’re bored. You’re depressed. You’re shy. You’re stuck up. You’re judgmental. When others can’t read us, they write their own story – not always one we choose or that’s true to who we are.’

Sophia Dembling – The Introvert’s Way

11:41

Yes, I know I know, I said I would be on hiatus for 3 weeks and it has only been 1 week and not even half a day. But sometimes you just have to blog right?

Current emotions: pissed off, angered, and stressed.

Something which I thought was done and dusted has reared its ugly head and is now back in my life, making my every day a living nightmare. I feel like every time that I completely forget about it, something happens to intensify the situation and I get to go through the long process of forgetting again.

I am currently sat on a swing in a childrens’ park in Newcastle somewhere, apparently the movement of the swings soothes me. What happened to being a child and being so carefree? Why must we become adults and deal with problems? Sometimes I cannot wait to be older and to have my whole life put together, but on the other hand sometimes I have Peter Pan syndrome and I never want to leave childhood.

I should probably get back to where I am supposed to be before I get a telling off for fighting the system. They told us to have a quiet hour so it is their own fault that I took it literally.

02:28

‘The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear.’

Rumi

In a world filled with noise and bustle, to have time in quietness is important.

I like going to cafes by myself to read and to think, and to some extent ‘listen to the world’. Some would say it’s eavesdropping but for me it’s just taking an interest in those around me. Listening to other people’s conversations is soothing, it’s nice to sit back and listen, knowing you don’t have to give any input.

As the volume of the world increases I find myself twisting my own dial down to a whisper, and this, I really don’t mind at all.