22:44

I dislike the negative stigma of doing things by yourself. What is the big deal?

Recently I have had friends and colleagues make comments about how they ‘simply cannot’ do things by themselves. They have stated feelings of being awkward or embarrassed when entering an establishment alone, or even just being seen to be by themselves at an event.

Sometimes the best company is your own. I know that sounds awfully big headed or pompous but it’s true. Sometimes what you need is only granted by your own self, whether that be through your own thoughts, actions or solutions.

I am a big believer in making your own happiness, in fulfilling your own wishes, and being true to yourself. Doing things as an individual helps to build up your self confidence; and your foundation of who you are. Being alone gives you head room to think freely, to live honestly and to treat yourself right.

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21:54

Things have been a little hectic in the last couple of weeks with friends visiting and consecutive nights out. I could feel my own emotions swelling up inside of me because I needed a period of solitude to relax and recharge.

This week has been a much needed change from previous weeks. I have spent nearly every evening at home. I actually sat down for dinner with my extended family for the first time in a while, and it was very comforting.

This weekend I will be travelling back to my home town to visit my family and friends, and to also attend my friends’ wedding. The last time I returned home was at the beginning of June before I started my working life. While I enjoy my life here in Edinburgh, there are times that I get homesick and feel very lost in my independence. When I return to my home every half a year or so, I can see so many changes. However sometimes when I return, it feels like not much has changed since I was last there.

Long weekend, here I come!

22:02

Yesterday I took half a day to focus on myself and caught up on some reading in the lovely (although short-lived) sun. I also went and got myself a cinnamon and sugar crepe from the numerous Fringe Festival food stalls. Having dessert at 3pm is acceptable right? Because “treat yo’ self!”

Recently I have been feeling a little out of sorts because I feel like I do not belong anywhere. That feeling of ‘not fitting in’ is not just reserved for angsty teens trying to find themselves but also for young adults like myself. Some days I feel very distant from my family and friends and can go days without speaking to anyone in person. Admittedly that is sometimes my fault because I hide myself away from social interaction however I would like to break that.

I start my new job this week so hopefully that will serve as a distraction to what I am feeling as of this moment.

00:18

‘We – now more than ever, it seems – have a profound civilizational anxiety about being alone. And the seed for it is increasingly planted in childhood – in an age when play is increasingly equated with screens and interfaces, being alone with a screen is not quite being alone at all, so the art of taking joy in one’s own company slips further and further out of reach.’

Robert Paul Smith – How To Do Nothing With Nobody All Alone By Yourself

Solitude is underrated. Sometimes the best company is your own thoughts, your own imagination, and your own creativity. In an age of increasing technology and the rise of a generation addicted to it, taking joy in one’s own company is now seldom recognised.

00:38

I was home alone yesterday for nearly the entire day and while it was refreshing to have the house to myself, I do miss the sound of people in the house.

It is a nice breather to be able to play my music as loud as I want and to not worry about disturbing anyone else, and also to have an extremely lazy day in the house with no judgment on what I do with my time.

Nevertheless I am glad to have plans made for today; too much time in the house makes me antsy. Moments of solitude are always welcome, as long as they are blended in with moments of socialising.

11:41

Yes, I know I know, I said I would be on hiatus for 3 weeks and it has only been 1 week and not even half a day. But sometimes you just have to blog right?

Current emotions: pissed off, angered, and stressed.

Something which I thought was done and dusted has reared its ugly head and is now back in my life, making my every day a living nightmare. I feel like every time that I completely forget about it, something happens to intensify the situation and I get to go through the long process of forgetting again.

I am currently sat on a swing in a childrens’ park in Newcastle somewhere, apparently the movement of the swings soothes me. What happened to being a child and being so carefree? Why must we become adults and deal with problems? Sometimes I cannot wait to be older and to have my whole life put together, but on the other hand sometimes I have Peter Pan syndrome and I never want to leave childhood.

I should probably get back to where I am supposed to be before I get a telling off for fighting the system. They told us to have a quiet hour so it is their own fault that I took it literally.