19:59

Today was a difficult day.

I took my car to get serviced because my gears were grinding and unfortunately they were not able to fix it there. They carried out some minor service works which I had to pay for on top of my service fee. I now need to find a garage that can fix my gear issue.

This morning I lost my cousin to cancer. She had been fighting for a while with more time spent in the hospital than out. She suffered greatly and towards the end of her life she refused any more treatment. I last visited her on Saturday and it was very emotional to see her in that state. The family is comforted to know she is in a better place with no more pain and suffering.

I had to deal with an act of disobedience from a member of staff that I manage. When asked to do a task today, she said she would do it on Friday – no reasoning behind it. Eventually the order was followed after I explained reasons why it had to be done today. When faced with a snippy response, all I wanted was to send a snippy comment back asking that she follow orders. However after typing out an email I got a colleague to read over it, and they advised I amend it to be softer and to give reason to my words. In my emotional state the situation could have escalated to much worse.

I try to keep a work life balance. I was working 8 hours a day for a period of time to accommodate newer members of my team. I have since shifted back to 7.5 hours a day. Any time I stay later than my shift I try to analyse why. Was there a task I could have delegated to my team? Was there time I could have spent more wisely? Could I spread my work out throughout the week instead of condensing it? Management is a learning process and leading a team does not come easy. Sometimes it feels like there is not enough time in the day to complete my work, as well as answer queries from my team and deal with personal requests.

Today I came home feeling stretched rather thinly. There is a phrase my manager likes to use which is ‘being pulled from pillar to post.’ My day has been physically and emotionally draining, and the non-stop schedule is not something I want to continue.

I guess they call it hump day for a reason. Here’s to a better latter half of the week!

Advertisements

23:05

Recently I have had to commute to the Perth office over a couple of days to cover staff holidays, so I spent some time with friends in Dundee to cut down on travel time. During my car journeys I had time to reflect on my own development within my job as well as my self growth.

When I was first offered my position I was a fresh university graduate with little experience in the working environment. Almost two years later have passed since then and my responsibilities within the role have doubled (probably even tripled). Stressful times hit me every week and problems arise that need to be unpicked. Outside of work I often worry about not having enough time to complete a project, or fret over a stressful encounter at work. Stressful situations aside, I am very thankful to be in a workplace which appreciates my work and to work with like-minded individuals.

Never did I intend to find a job in this industry let alone still be within the same company (almost) two years later. Whilst it is important to provide a living for yourself, it is also important to enjoy your job (to an extent). If my job had been mind-numbingly repetitive and ‘soul-destroying’; I would have left a long time ago. I am thankful for colleagues who are encouraging and a pleasure to work with, and for a workplace which I feel comfortable in.

22:47

Today was a ‘walk in the rain’ kind of day. Albeit I only walked from work to the bus stop, and then from the bus stop to my house, the rain pouring down felt good in a way. It felt like a cleansing of the stress and anxiety that I have been feeling lately. In that short walk I felt the raindrops patter down onto my hair, slowly bead on my forehead and drip down my nose. In nature’s weather extremities my life feels calmer and more at ease. My problems seem lessened and are forgotten about for a brief moment.

As the weather has been miserable lately I have been spending a lot more time indoors compared to a month ago. I have not been able to walk home from work in the sun, nor have I been able to bring myself to leave the comforts of my own room for fear of facing the elements. I know these sound like excuses however I look to change them this month.

My interaction with nature has dropped considerably. I am always plugged in and tuned out. I sit at a desk for long periods of my day. I prefer to look at my phone than at the world. Here’s to the hopeful, little changes and inspiration that come from a walk in the rain.

01:36

I have the tendency to worry over the smallest things which blows things way out of proportion. The mind is a funny thing. I am also prone to thinking of the worst case scenario which leads to more worries and more anxiety.

Nevertheless, my deadlines are all completed, thank God. Just my presentation to do on Friday afternoon and this cluster of stress will have dissipated.

Less worries, more confidence in myself.

23:54

Today my friends and I explored the area of Linlithgow. We went up to Linlithgow Palace and around Linlithgow Loch, where we fed the swans and geese. Afterwards we drove to South Queensferry to look at the bridges and the sea view. We ended the day with dinner and dessert with laughter and silly conversations.

It was refreshing to take my mind off university work though only for the one day. Looking out to sea always calms my heart and exploring new places eases my stress.

Thank God for amazing friends and scenic places!

18:44

5 days left till this part of my stressful life is over. 5 days till I can go to sleep and not have to wake up at 06:30 and endure a 17 hour day. 5 days till I can do things without my every move being watched.

There are so many things that I need right now; and also so many things that I want.

I cannot wait for this week to be over. I really cannot wait.