20:49

Recently I have been watching Netflix’s Our Planet. It has to be some of the most visually attractive footage I have ever seen. Beautifully narrated by David Attenborough and bringing valuable lessons regarding protecting our planet.

Sometimes I forget about the wider planet due to getting caught up in my own worries and troubles, but this series has really brought my life into perspective. There is so much more. There is beauty and wonder in the world if I just open my eyes to see it. There are issues which I cannot even fathom. How little am I in this world so large?

19:59

Today was a difficult day.

I took my car to get serviced because my gears were grinding and unfortunately they were not able to fix it there. They carried out some minor service works which I had to pay for on top of my service fee. I now need to find a garage that can fix my gear issue.

This morning I lost my cousin to cancer. She had been fighting for a while with more time spent in the hospital than out. She suffered greatly and towards the end of her life she refused any more treatment. I last visited her on Saturday and it was very emotional to see her in that state. The family is comforted to know she is in a better place with no more pain and suffering.

I had to deal with an act of disobedience from a member of staff that I manage. When asked to do a task today, she said she would do it on Friday – no reasoning behind it. Eventually the order was followed after I explained reasons why it had to be done today. When faced with a snippy response, all I wanted was to send a snippy comment back asking that she follow orders. However after typing out an email I got a colleague to read over it, and they advised I amend it to be softer and to give reason to my words. In my emotional state the situation could have escalated to much worse.

I try to keep a work life balance. I was working 8 hours a day for a period of time to accommodate newer members of my team. I have since shifted back to 7.5 hours a day. Any time I stay later than my shift I try to analyse why. Was there a task I could have delegated to my team? Was there time I could have spent more wisely? Could I spread my work out throughout the week instead of condensing it? Management is a learning process and leading a team does not come easy. Sometimes it feels like there is not enough time in the day to complete my work, as well as answer queries from my team and deal with personal requests.

Today I came home feeling stretched rather thinly. There is a phrase my manager likes to use which is ‘being pulled from pillar to post.’ My day has been physically and emotionally draining, and the non-stop schedule is not something I want to continue.

I guess they call it hump day for a reason. Here’s to a better latter half of the week!

21:10

Where is 2018 running off to? As the months sprint past it seems strange to think how long a year felt back in my years of studying. Term time seemed to last forever and even the long holidays would drag out. In my working life everything seems to be going in fast forward. A Monday ends before I know it, then suddenly it’s midweek, and then somehow it’s already Friday? I find myself not having enough time to get everything done in a day. I find myself scrambling to work harder and more efficiently to fit everything in. I need life to slow down a little and let me catch up.

21:34

Today is my WordPress anniversary! I’m not entirely sure how many years ago I started running this blog, but I am definitely proud of how far it has come. While I find myself with less words to write, I am thankful for an open yet safe space where I can share and relieve my mind.

This week of work has sped by! April has always been a ‘nothing’ month for me. In education days it was the month of Easter break and revision for exams, however now it holds no significance. Work life remains work life. As April comes to a close I wonder what the month of May will bring!

22:03

Some things from recent days:-

  • Winter has totally dried out my skin and I have itchy patches of rash on my body. I am so frustrated by it!
  • I ¬†caught up with Gotham season 2 and started watching Daredevil.
  • My whole work team got ill and we took turns having days off. We have all made a full recovery now.
  • I am craving some good quality sushi (take me back to Japan please!)
  • My nose is very sensitive to strong smells and I will cough and splutter when I encounter them.
  • I started taking driving lessons! It is something I have always wanted to do but never had time to in my student days.
  • Soup is not a viable option for my work lunches, it leaves me so hungry by the end of my shift…
  • I can now play a musical instrument! It used to be one of my biggest regrets that I did not learn one when I was younger so I am happy that I have changed that.

21:56

“Is recognition all that important?”

I have been asking myself that question more often as I face new situations that feel worthy of such.

Recognition can be shown in so many ways yet I find myself questioning it. Does someone else telling me that I have done a good job validate the fact that I have done a good job? How genuine is this recognition? Am I validating my own actions based on other’s opinions?

Sometimes I listen solely to the praise and criticism of others and tune out my own thoughts on my work. ‘If I do this a certain way then other people will appreciate it more’ or ‘if I alter this it is more pleasing to ____’. I find that that mentality is very damaging for my creative process.

In a world full of ‘likes’ and ‘favourites’ it is easy to fall into the trap of doing something for the masses, and not for yourself. Please others first before pleasing yourself. Is this validation we receive from a social platform more important than that of our own? I am guilty of succumbing to the trends and hypes, so I hope to seek more after my own originality in order to express it in creative outlets.

21:30

Through my monotonous days at work I have found myself more connected to my emotions. The littlest pet peeve can throw off my whole day, the smallest annoyance can send me into an angry sulk, and a tiny hurt can bring me to tears. I wake up in certain moods and these drag throughout the entire day. Whilst my work is fulfilling, I seem to find myself zoning out and lost in my own world. With all my emotions at the surface I bring the thoughts upwards and outwards too. Thinking things through is not always a good thing. Right at this very moment I still do not know what I wanted to get across in this post. Various musings all pieced together have created this shambles of a blog post.

Onto another day.

21:54

Things have been a little hectic in the last couple of weeks with friends visiting and consecutive nights out. I could feel my own emotions swelling up inside of me because I needed a period of solitude to relax and recharge.

This week has been a much needed change from previous weeks. I have spent nearly every evening at home. I actually sat down for dinner with my extended family for the first time in a while, and it was very comforting.

This weekend I will be travelling back to my home town to visit my family and friends, and to also attend my friends’ wedding. The last time I returned home was at the beginning of June before I started my working life. While I enjoy my life here in Edinburgh, there are times that I get homesick and feel very lost in my independence. When I return to my home every half a year or so, I can see so many changes. However sometimes when I return, it feels like not much has changed since I was last there.

Long weekend, here I come!